The directive board of the Gold Coast 2018 Commonwealth Games has today announced the addition of several new events aimed at boosting viewership among local audiences.
Executive Chairman, Craig Williams, spoke to the press about the inclusion of their most anticipated new event, Synchronised Coward Punching.
“This is an initiative that we feel the Australian public will get behind 100%. This type of event has essentially become a pastime in recent years, especially here on the Gold Coast, so it’s sure to boost ratings.”
“I mean, it might even boost our chances of getting the gold [laughs].”
There is, however, some doubt among Australian’s who aren’t affiliated with a Bikie gang, nor fit in to the steroid-using, fake-tan wearing, disco-biscuit-shelving demographic bracket of the Gold Coast.
Other new events mentioned in the announcement include the Mens singles Shit Tattoo contest, 4x100m Drug Trafficking, and the Freestyle Racial-Attack-on-a-Public-Bus, which are promised to be entertaining.
More to come.