A young Japanese freestyle skier, Daichi Hara, was quite happy with himself last night after finishing 3rd in the 2018 Winter Olympics Men’s Moguls, and took home a bronze medal for his troubles. Unfortunately for him, he finished behind Matt Graham, a 23-year old Aussie from Gosford, a town on the Central Coast of New South Wales which has never seen a drop of snow in Graham’s lifetime.
“If he had of finished third behind two Canadians, we would’ve been very proud parents” claimed Hara’s father, “But he finished behind a lad who’s closest contact to snow as a child was from a fucking ‘Party Penguin’ snow cone maker”, leaving him with no choice but to disown his own son.
The popular snow cone maker owned by many Australian children in the early 2000’s
In all fairness to Matt Graham it was a spectacular effort by the young Aussie, as falling short to a Canadian in a skiing event is as close to a gold medal you can possibly get without winning.